First Time in an Amsterdam Coffeeshop? Start Here

Start lower than you think you need to

This is the one piece of advice that matters more than all the others together. Dutch cannabis is strong — considerably stronger than most people expect, and very likely stronger than whatever you have tried before.

So: two or three small puffs, then put it down and wait ten minutes. Smoked, the effect arrives within a few minutes and peaks after about half an hour. You can always have more. You cannot have less.

Indica, sativa, hybrid — what the words are worth

You will see these three words on every menu in the city, so it helps to know what they are claiming.

• Indica — the heavier, body-first end of the scale. Relaxing, slow, best suited to an evening with no plans in it.
• Sativa — the lighter, head-first end. More alert and talkative, better for daytime and for company.
• Hybrid — a cross of the two, which in practice describes most of what is actually on sale.

Now the honest caveat, which you will not often read: these labels are a rough guide at best. Modern varieties have been crossed so many times over that the botanical distinction has largely stopped meaning anything, and how two people respond to the same thing differs more than the two categories differ from each other.

Which is why the useful thing to say at the counter is not a name you read online, but how you want to feel. Relaxed or awake. Sociable or quiet. First time or not. Tell us that and we will put something sensible in front of you — our menu changes often, so the person serving you knows what is actually there today far better than any website does.

Flower, hash or pre-rolled

Flower is the dried bud, which you grind and roll yourself. The widest choice, and the most involvement required.

Hash is pressed resin. Traditionally mixed into a joint with a little tobacco or a herbal substitute; the effect tends to be heavier and more physical than flower.

Pre-rolled joints are exactly what they sound like, and there is nothing remotely embarrassing about buying one. Plenty of people who have smoked for thirty years still do. If you have never rolled anything in your life, this is the easy way in.

How to roll a joint

If you would rather learn, it is a ten-minute skill that takes a while to do neatly. You need rolling papers, a filter tip and ideally a grinder — all of it is sold at the counter.

1. Grind it. Break the bud down to an even, fluffy consistency. Not powder, and no large lumps — both cause problems later.
2. Roll the tip. Take the filter card, fold a small concertina at one end, then roll the rest around it into a tube a little narrower than a pencil. This is what stops you inhaling loose material and keeps the end open.
3. Fill the paper. Hold the paper with the gummed edge facing you and upwards. Put the tip in at one end, then distribute the ground material along the paper — slightly less near the tip, slightly more towards the far end. That taper is what makes a joint cone-shaped rather than lumpy.
4. Shape it. Pinch the paper between thumbs and forefingers and roll it gently back and forth a few times, so the contents settle into an even cylinder.
5. Tuck and roll. Fold the near edge of the paper down over the contents and tuck it in behind them, then roll upwards with your thumbs until only the gummed strip is left showing.
6. Seal it. Lick the gum lightly — too much and it will not stick — and press it down from the tip end along to the other end.
7. Finish. Pack the open end down with something thin, a cocktail stick or the corner of a card, then twist the last of the paper closed. Light that twisted end, not the filter.

Your first one will be ugly. Everyone's first one is ugly. It will still work.

Edibles need patience

Space cakes and brownies behave completely differently from smoking, and this is where most unpleasant evenings start.

Eaten, cannabis goes through your liver before it reaches you. That takes 45 minutes to two hours, and the effect then lasts four to six hours, sometimes longer. It is also more intense than the same amount smoked.

So the rule is simple and absolute: eat a small piece, then wait two hours before even considering more. Do not top it up with a joint while you are waiting. Do not decide after forty minutes that it was a dud. And do not take one if you have somewhere to be later in the day.

If it gets too much

It happens, almost always to someone who went too fast. It is deeply unpleasant and it is completely temporary — nobody has ever come to lasting harm from it, and it passes on its own within an hour or two.

What helps: sit down, somewhere you can lean back. Water, and something sweet. Fresh air. Slow breathing. Someone to talk to. Something undemanding to look at.

And tell a member of staff. Really — we have seen it hundreds of times, we know exactly what to do, and nobody will make the slightest thing of it. That is a far better plan than sitting in a corner hoping it stops.

Two things that make it much more likely: mixing with alcohol, which is the fastest route to feeling awful and is also why no coffeeshop in the country is allowed to serve drink, and an empty stomach. Eat something first.

What to do afterwards

Not much, ideally, and that is the point. Smoke, then stay where you are for a while — most people buy something, order a coffee or a tea and sit for an hour. There is no hurry about any of it.

When you do go out, the stretch around us is well suited to an afternoon with no schedule. Artis, the old city zoo, is a few minutes' walk and is as much botanical garden as anything else. Oosterpark and the Plantage are both close and both quiet. The canals east of the centre have barely any tourists on them. The Albert Cuyp market is a tram ride away and is exactly the right kind of pointless wandering.

What not to plan: anything requiring punctuality, anything requiring a decision, and above all anything requiring a car or a bike in traffic. Driving under the influence is an offence here just as it is with alcohol, and Amsterdam cyclists are unforgiving enough when you are sober.

Before you come

Bring a passport or ID card — every visitor, every time, over 18 without exception. The rest of the practical detail is in our guide to visiting a coffeeshop, and if you are wondering about the legal side of it, we explain that here.